How to Date the God of Mischief sans Taser
by Kereea
Summary: Random LokixDarcy stories. Mostly oneshots, but they tie into each other. Movie-verse, with shout-outs to/plots from the comics  non-evil!mostly-neutral!Loki .
1. Notes, Intro, Ect

Preview and Notes:

Notes:

Loki and the Avengers: Loki is not an Avenger, but he is the first person that they go to if the problem needs a magic-based solution/is at all magic related (due to being Thor's brother and Dr. Strange's usual unavailability). He gets along best with Tony since they're both geniuses. His favorite other Avenger is Spiderman (another part-time member) due to his intelligence, snarkiness, and Loki completely understanding the "geeky overlooked teen" vibe. Spiderman likewise likes Loki as a hero (or as close to a hero as Loki is) and considers him to be a good friend (even with the pranks). The core Avengers are Iron Man, Thor, Hawkeye, Black Widow, Wasp, Hulk, and Ant Man. Some of the part-timers are Loki, Spiderman, Black Panther, Ms. Marvel, and Daredevil.

What Loki is doing: Loki and Thor returned to Earth/Midgard in early August. SHIELD set up their secret identities, but Loki was interested in the idea of grad school (read: was REALLY bored), so he followed Darcy to hers (SHIELD pays her tuition in thanks for keeping an eye on him). Loki masquerades as a government researcher so he has access to ever single resource on campus that he wants, and was able to get his hands on some cash to pay for a better apartment than the studio he was splitting with Darcy. He did, however, need to be taught how to use a laptop first.

L/D Relationship: something between roommates and dating at the start. Due to the fact that Loki has issues (has a bit of self-loathing, is a manipulative trickster, does not understand mortals, ect.) and Darcy is still in grad school, they're trying to keep things from going too far. Like that will work. However, these ARE NOT all in order so yeah…sorry.

Tease quotes for "I Blame You":

"Are we feeling better now, Miss Darcy?" Loki asked dryly, rubbing his head. "Are we willing to tell our favorite God of Mischief why we are screaming at him when to his knowledge he has _not_ wronged us recently?"

"You're talking in the third person," Darcy said, before kicking herself for saying that out loud.


	2. I Blame You

Hi, Kereea here! This is the kickoff: And I don't own Thor. If I did, Loki would be an antihero instead of a villain.

I Blame You

"And how exactly is this my fault?" Loki asked casually, reclining on the bed. Darcy threw another textbook at him, only for it to halt inches from his face. He pulled it out of the air and glanced at the title, "You have a journalism class next semester?"

"Pay attention!" Darcy snapped.

"Tell me why you think you possibly, and I might add that you don't even know for certain, flunking a paper is my fault?" Loki asked, opening the book. Darcy stormed over and snatched it. "I was looking at that. Ow!"

Darcy blinked, surprised that she had actually managed to hit him with the book. It wasn't like when she had tased Thor; Loki had all of his powers at his disposal. There were at least ten ways that she knew of that would allow him to avoid getting hit.

"Are we feeling better now, Miss Darcy?" Loki asked dryly, rubbing his head. "Are we willing to tell our favorite God of Mischief why we are screaming at him when to his knowledge he has _not_ wronged us recently?"

"You're talking in the third person," Darcy said, before kicking herself for saying that out loud.

"Yes. Would you rather I not?" Loki asked, moving over in an indication for her to sit on the bed.

"Please," Darcy replied, sitting.

"Fine. Now, as I said, to my knowledge, outside of the indecent two days ago where I hid your cell phone in the freezer, an incident that I _apologized for_, and I hope you know that's a big deal, I do not believe I have wronged you recently. Or in any way affected the writing of your paper on…whatever it was on," Loki said. "So I think I need to know what I am being accused of before making my defense."

"…It's not really your fault," Darcy admitted. "Well, not entirely."

"Go on. I still don't know if I need a lawyer yet," Loki drawled. Darcy elbowed him. "Is that the best you can do?" Loki purred in her ear. Darcy mentally insisted that it was _completely sensible_ for her to go as rigid as she did.

"Excuse me for hitting too lightly for you to feel it," Darcy huffed. "In my defense, you've gotten back up from getting thrown through three walls."

"You weren't there when Black Panther did that," Loki said, frowning.

"Wasp told me. So, that guy was a real jerk when he first came to work with the Avengers, huh?" Darcy asked.

"Yes. He drove Thor insane back then, and decided since I was not listed as a team member, I must have been an enemy who snuck in," Loki muttered. "He's better now that he has real-world social skills. And would you _please_ tell me how the problem with the paper is my fault already? Or "not entirely" my fault, as you have now clarified?"

"…It was for that writing class I'm doing for an English credit. We were supposed to discuss why ambition is often seen as evil in fiction."

Loki frowned, "I thought you were a Political Science graduate student."

"I am!" Darcy argued. "Look, it fit with the class, okay?"

Loki held his hands up in mock surrender. Darcy stared at him, trying to gauge just how much he was teasing her, before continuing, "I ended up writing on why ambition _shouldn't_ be considered evil."

Loki's eyes narrowed, "I still fail to see how that is in any way _my_ fault."

Darcy pointed at him, "Because I hang around an ambitious, egotistical pain in the ass, that's why!"

"I value our friendship too," Loki drawled sarcastically.

Darcy shoved him, only to be annoyed when he didn't budge. "You know what I meant."

"Well, if I am an egotistical pain in the ass, when why did your paper say that ambition such as mine is positive?" Loki asked. "Would you then not have plenty of negative qualities to write about, such as being egotistical and a pain in the ass?"

"Except you're my friend and I've seen that ambition can be a good thing," Darcy replied.

"Really? Do trying to usurp a throne, destroy a planet, and kill one's older brother count as good ideas?" Loki asked dryly. "Because if they do, Midgard is more warped than I thought."

"Not _those_," Darcy said. "And that therapist SHIELD had you talk to, before you drove him nuts, said that most of that was depression and a need to prove yourself, not ambition."

"And then I convinced him that he was a Hobbit in the Matrix," Loki replied. "Thank you very much for letting me borrow those movies, by the way."

"…You're despicable," Darcy sighed. "And I meant about how you're always trying to improve and learn new things because you want to be the greatest sorcerer ever, or how you always push yourself to do better than you currently are, that kind of ambition. Then I went into how by making ambition evil, humanity's effectively enforcing a class system by saying that people have to be happy with what they have and never try to improves, yadda, yadda."

"Don't most of your papers require examples? Who could you possibly find-it is not like you could actually use me," Loki said. "I rank just above Spiderman in the public's opinion."

"Yeah, so I went with Tony Stark. He's ambitious for the betterment of mankind. Plus, we're not allowed to use any "close" sources, so I couldn't even have used you as Lukas Blake. Who would believe I know him?"

"Not many, since you've never been reported to sleep with him," Loki replied.

"…that would be cold if it wasn't true," Darcy sighed. She noticed Loki had an arm around her. She wondered when he'd done that. It was probably gradual, so she wouldn't notice. She leaned against him. "So, any plans for the weekend?"

"I may or may not be helping the Avengers on Sunday if the lead on Dr. Doom pans out," Loki grimaced.

"Oh, don't want to see the dear doctor? I thought you liked it when people flirted with you."

Loki pulled her closer and he leaned back, "Only when I am encouraging the flirting. I am running out of ways to say no to that…do you have a Midgardian insult more appropriate than jerkass?"

"Douchebag," Darcy offered.

"Isn't douche a way of saying excrement?" Loki asked.

"Yes."

"Then I very much like that insult."

"You know," Darcy mused, "You might want to skip "telling" him no and just beat him senseless. He strikes me as the type where that would understand that better."

"I think I will do that," Loki said. He turned inch from so his lips were an inch from her ear, "And you, Miss Darcy? What are your weekend plans?"

"Studying mostly. I have a test Monday," Darcy replied. She tried hard not to blush. That was what Loki wanted-a reaction.

"I am free Saturday, pending any massive Avengers-need-help disasters," Loki said. "How about I help you study?" He levered himself up so he was leaning over her, elbows on either side of her head and leaning way too close to her face for comfort.

Loki, Darcy knew, was weird because while he didn't like having his space invaded he loved invading other people's. Thor never minded, and neither did his mother, but her? Yeah, it was awkward. That might have been karma for her giggling to herself every time he did it to Hawkeye or Captain America, though (the man was an equal-opportunity flirt, after all). "Well, it's boring stuff."

"Oh, it's not from the class on dictators, then?" Loki asked, pouting theatrically. Darcy tried not to zoom in on his lips, and was really, really glad that his eyes were a distracting enough shade of green to make the effort not as hard. Of course, looking Loki in the eye had its pitfalls too.

"Nope. That class was the ambition essay."

"I see," Loki said, one hand moving to play with her hair and wow this was way, way, _way_ too intimate for two people who weren't dating.

Then again, they _were_ living together-mostly so Jane and Thor got _some_ privacy and Loki had social contact to keep him out of trouble…and she got a nice check every month for "housing a valued associate of the Avengers" from Tony Stark, who usually wanted Loki nowhere near the mansion or his Malibu house. "This test is on Public Interest."

Loki leaned close to whisper in her ear and holy crap their chests were touching and if she turned even slightly she'd end up kissing his cheek and were those checks _worth it_ (even if they paid off her student loans)? "But Miss Darcy, you know I _love_ to interest the public. Like when I turned Hawkeye's uniform pink and white during that fight in Central Park. A lot of people found _that_ interesting."

"Public Interest means "common wellbeing" and "general welfare of the people" you idiot," Darcy laughed.

Loki moved again, resting his chin on his hand in a way so that his collarbone met her jaw. "Hmm. No, that's not as interesting to me. Thor and Tony might like to hear about it, but me, no. I like the "common chaos" and "general disorder of the people" myself."

"Like embarrassing Thor's teammates at every given opportunity?"

"I do not embarrass Spiderman," Loki said, rolling so he was next to her again. "Then again, underneath his snark I sense somewhat fragile self-esteem. It would be rude to break one so ordinarily quick-witted."

'Translation you kind of see yourself in him,' Darcy thought. "Figures you'd like the fast-talking, "I Shall Taunt You" hero."

"He is fun to chat with," Loki acknowledged, looping his arm around her shoulders. "Now, what area of "general welfare" is this test on?"

...

One week later….

...

Loki stared blankly at the stack of books on the coffee table, "What is that?"

"Harry Potter, the complete series. I thought you'd like it," Darcy replied, digging around the fridge.

"Mortal, these are hardbound…and in a "this is a set" box. It does not look cheap," Loki replied. "And you do not often acquire any gifts worth more than ten dollars for me without a reason."

"Yeah, the ambition essay? I got an A-plus. Thanks!" Darcy said, walking over and hugging him. "Turns out that I just had to say why ambition was shown as evil, and I did that, and then formulate an opinion on that idea. Best grads in the class. So here's my thank you."

She kissed him on the cheek, and went back to the fridge, "Dinner's going to be sandwiches in about fifteen minutes."

Loki didn't hear her. He was too busy trying to convince himself that he was not blushing and that he shouldn't ask her on a date then and there.

On the other hand, he liked her sandwiches. And could come up with some other way to thank her later. And ignore the fact that she looked really, really nice in the tank top and shorts she had on. And maybe think up a better way to say "I think I like you" than something a teenager would come up with.

He needed to talk to his brother…and his brother's male teammates…and then Spiderman to make sure the advice he got was good…_after_ he read these books.

...

A/N Yeah, so, Loki likes her. As in, really, really likes her. And he doesn't get why she doesn't respond to his flirting (not realizing that she equates it to the lesser-but-still-occurring flirting that he does with other people to fluster them). PS, I think Darcy's about 23-24-ish.


	3. Trapped

A/N: Okay, now I have decided that Darcy occasionally declares moive nights. This is one of those nights. I don't own Thor, or eventually this would happen indeatd of what Marvel's going to do. Thanks for all the reviews!

Trapped

Trapped

Loki considered himself quite the escape artist. Once his pranks in Asgard had gotten past the point where they could be brushed off as accidents, he had needed to switch from not getting caught to getting out of trouble after he was caught. He knew many ways out of situations, from talking fast to teleporting to safety, all of which had served him well in his career as a part-time super-hero.

Well, there _was_ that time he had "escaped" into danger because he thought he was grabbing Spiderman and had grabbed Venom instead, but Peter hadn't mentioned the symbiote finding a new host, and Loki had just assumed that the teen had gone back to the alien suit and was trying to get him somewhere to read him the riot act for doing so. That had been awkward.

This situation, however, was different. It was not dangerous, like dealing with the Mandarin, nor was it supremely annoying like Dr. Doom's flirting. It was just…odd. And left him unable to move.

Darcy had, as she often did, wished to show him a movie-actually, there had been two tonight. The first was an odd horror film called "The Ruins" that involved a strange parasitic plant. Loki had explained to Darcy that he was not afraid of such a plant, because even if it did get under his skin, he could simply lower his temperature well past freezing and kill the thing. Darcy had asked what he could do if it had gotten her, and Loki had asked for more time to think on it, since freezing _her_ was out of the question.

The second movie was called "Fifty First Dates" and not even half an hour in had Loki admiring the protagonist's perseverance at the whims of such a strange woman (and not without comparing the man's situation to his own, just a little). He had, during the opening credits, commented that he could have saved Darcy from the plant with a sort of salt based potion that would dry it out, like how the natives had slated the ground around the plant to stop it from growing further, and that we was fairly certain he could do it without killing her. Darcy had apparently liked the answer and cuddled into his side as they watched the man in the movie be shocked because the woman didn't remember him.

Soon the end credits were rolling, and Loki supposed the ending had been as satisfying as possible, given the story's parameters. He would have liked to get up and go to bed. There was just one problem.

Darcy was on top of him. She had remained cuddled into his side for the rest of the film, leaning more on him as she started to nod off (Loki assumed she had seen the moive before, since she kept making "oh, this is a good part" comments) and by now she was curled up in his lap, sound asleep.

Loki didn't want to wake her up, but he wasn't exactly in too comfortable a position himself. One leg was half curled under him (and under Darcy, since she was leaning on it) and had long since gone numb. He was in the middle of the couch, so he couldn't lean against one of the arms for support so he could sleep where he was.

Plus, waking Darcy up had been declared to _not_ be an option. She hadn't been sleeping well lately, and he had woken up to the sound of her falling out of bed a few times this month alone. He frowned, and ran his fingers through her hair while he tried to get comfortable. It was going to be quite a night; he mused as he tried to rest and closed his eyes.

...

Loki jerked at a jab to his stomach. He sat up quickly, before hurriedly grabbing Darcy as she almost tumbled to the floor. Darcy groaned, and Loki hurriedly looked her up and down, afraid she had been injured. He frowned; she seemed fine. So why had she-?

Darcy thrashed again, muttered about plants. Loki gaped for a moment, both shocked and a bit annoyed, before realizing that she was having a nightmare about The Ruins. "Darcy?"

"Getoutgetoutgetout!" Darcy hissed, trying to scratch at her arm, where the woman in the film had seen the plant growing at the end.

"Darcy, you're dreaming," Loki hissed, shaking her slightly. She kept going for her arm, so he wrapped a hand around it. "Plants don't like cold, right?" he whispered, pulling the ice up from where it normally hid, deep in his bones and blood, to chill her skin. He couldn't freeze her like he could himself, of course, that would be idiotic and could very possibly make her lose the limb, but she was asleep and might think the little chill was more than it was.

Darcy stilled, and Loki sighed in relief. Did she have nightmares often? Was that why she kept falling out of bed? He pulled his hand back, only to wince at seeing that it had turned blue from channeling the cold. He was focusing on getting it back to normal when Darcy snuggled against him.

"Loki…" she muttered, sounding happy. Her eyes fluttered slightly, and her head shot up, "Huh?"

Loki shoved his still-blue left hand behind his back and forced his expression to a blank. "Awake, are we?"

"Ah, yeah, is the movie over?" Darcy asked, looking at the soft glow coming from the blank, but still on, television.

"Yes. It has been for awhile," Loki said stiffly, still trying to get his hand back to a normal temperature by mortal standards. "I think it's around two in the morning."

"Oh…I've been sleeping on you the whole time?" Darcy asked, blushing.

"I didn't want to wake you up," Loki replied.

"Oh," Darcy said, sitting up and rubbing her shoulder. "Um, I didn't say anything super-embarrassing, right?"

"No, just a nightmare about The Ruins," Loki said. He was a bit relived when Darcy got off him and a bit sad. He had rather liked the contact-of course he would have preferred it to be intentional on her part.

Darcy nodded, "Oh, um okay. Night."

"Goodnight, Miss Darcy," Loki replied, watching her all but run to her room. He pulled his hand out from behind his back and glared at it when he found it to still be blue.

"Stupid," he muttered, getting up to head to his own bed.

...

Darcy panted heavily after very nearly slamming her door behind her. _Holy crap!_ She had just used the God of Mischief, aka a very hot guy and her roommate, as a teddy bear! He was _never_ going to let her live this down!

Still she could have sworn that the cold that was killing the plant in her dream was real, and had actually been there. She looked at her forearm, and blinked at the flushed skin-flushed from _cold_.

She smiled, "Well, what do you know?"

"Problem Miss Darcy?"

She jumped-she had forgotten how thin the walls were and that he was still awake. "I'm good, Loki!"

"…Goodnight."

Darcy knew she was blushing now, "Yeah. You too."

Fin


End file.
